Jealousy/ insecurity in relationships and becoming secure
I was watching your previous episode and I heard a couple of questions which resonated with me and the reality of things has made me feel uncomfortable particularly around the idea of my partner/person I am dating looking at other women. I heard you say that it’s about learning how to feel secure in self. I liked how you seem very secure in who you are and what you have to offer to your partner (based on what you said). I wonder have you got any tips or advice on how i can become secure in myself? Additionally I also always experience relationships with men who constantly look at other women or follow accounts on instagram of women who are considered a particular type which makes me uncomfortable and anxious. I developed trust issues since I’ve been cheated on and I am super anxious about anything to do with other women, which leads to a lot of checking/stalking/reassurance seeking behaviours. I fear that when my partner/person I am dating does that then they must find me unattractive or less attractive and that they’d rather secretly be with those women if they could (most of the time they’re some models, influencers). How can I stop this type of anxious and obsessive behaviour? I am in therapy but how can I specifically address this type of insecurity if that makes sense?
Sex in dating
What if someone gets attached after having sex with someone, and they take sex very seriously and it’s a big deal for them because of body image issues, is it not most reasonable for the two to wait until they know they are on the same page before sleeping with each other? Every time I have sex with someone too soon and they leave I start to feel it’s because of how I look or how I am physically. I get guys trying to be convincing just to sleep with each other and then after sex they say just because they have sex with someone that doesn’t mean they will like this person or want to be in a relationship with them. I thought that delaying sex would increase the likelihood of them staying because they would have known the other person a bit more by the time they get into bed with each other. However guys tend to use this “nobody will wait for a woman that long” but then they’re not the ones dealing with the feelings of rejection, shame and disgust right after they leave, they will just go to someone else. What’s the point of having sex with someone you don’t really know or don’t know if you like? Is it ok for me to not want to do it too soon?
With SO much focus and emphasis on navigating correctly and doing this the right way, how do I make sure that the pressure of not all isn’t placed so hard on doing the work the right way isn’t the pressure that is too great that it actually breaks the process. How can you apply organic pressure? Obviously this is coming from an anxious attacker that has anxiety about want to do all you say to do in the right order, the right way. But I focused SO hard on the outcome and perfection of it all that it all became too much for both of us to handle. Thank god I realized it, we talked but now it seems like I’m lost at how to just let the process play out naturally. I hope that makes sense.
Dating with relationship related PTSD?
Hi, wanted to start off by saying love the podcast! It’s helped so much!! I had a bit of a personal question, I have been recovering from ptsd from my first and only relationship. Long story short, I was in high school, my best friend at the time SA’d my girlfriend, there was a trial, I was dragged into the trial as well. After that I completely isolated myself from the world, stopped talking to everyone in my life except for my immediate family and completely dissociated. That was about 6 years ago, I’ve worked hard for a good 6 months in bringing myself back into the world after disconnecting from it for so long, and now I’ve got a wonderfully supportive friend group who I have been able to share about flashbacks and feel safe with. I’ve been trying to get back in the dating world, and I went on my first date in since just the other night, but it gave me some of the worst flashbacks and I was just bouncing from emotional breakdown to emotional shutdown for the rest of the week. I feel really bad because I was completely disconnected from myself the entire time, which isn’t fair to the girl I was on the date with, she was very sweet and I wish her nothing but positivity. I’ve been working on different methods to calm myself down, different forms of somatic therapy and such, but I’m not entirely sure how know when I can handle myself enough to be able to genuinely date and be put in romantic situations without shutting down, freaking out and/or relapsing.