Friendship Insecurities
Often insecurities (and anxious attachment) can show up in friendships. Can you talk about your experiences with this? When friendships end it hurts a lot. Occasionally friendships recover from a falling out. From my experience a falling out can only be recovered when both parties come together, take ownership for their part, and forgive the other person. After a relationship has recovered, how do you set boundaries to prevent the same destructive patterns from happening again.
Not feeling it or not used to a man pursuing
I recently connected with a man, only about 2 weeks ago. He’s been coming on super strong and pursing me hardcore to the point that I feel he’s pushing me away. I’ve traditionally dealt with an anxious attachment style. In the past I would have ate this up and not surprisingly, then watched things crash and burn with my anxious attachment style. But I’ve been doing the work! for a few years now and in therapy. This behavior now feels yucky. For example, it’s not even been 2 weeks. He’s already telling me he’s falling for me, tries to see me daily (I haven’t allowed it), asked if he can meet my son (who’s 24, but still a hell no), and future talks all the time…talking about when we are married, where we’ll live, things we’ll do, etc, etc. I’ve told him he need to slow it way down. He asked me to let him know if he’s coming on too strong so he doesn’t push me away. I told him it’s too much. But, I also can’t help but to wonder…am I just not into him…or…am I not used to a man who’s pursuing me because I’m used to avoidant men and I’m used to being the one chasing? (I’ve been working through abandonment issues since I never knew my father, he left before I was 2 years old)…so no surprise that I chased love. Am I pushing away a possibly good man? He’s definitely pursuing hardcore…with dates, flowers, constant communication…or is the new, improved, healthier version of me saying, hold the f up! On a side note, I am attracted to him, but he has very very feminine characteristics and the way he talks that also turns me off. I don’t want to be judgmental or come across negative when I say this, but sometimes it does kinda give me the “ick.” Any thoughts on this as well? Thank you!! 🫶
Not feeling it or not used to a man pursuing
I recently connected with a man, only about 2 weeks ago. He’s been coming on super strong and pursing me hardcore to the point that I feel he’s pushing me away. I’ve traditionally dealt with an anxious attachment style. In the past I would have ate this up and not surprisingly, then watched things crash and burn with my anxious attachment style. But I’ve been doing the work! for a few years now and in therapy. This behavior now feels yucky. For example, it’s not even been 2 weeks. He’s already telling me he’s falling for me, tries to see me daily (I haven’t allowed it), asked if he can meet my son (who’s 24, but still a hell no), and future talks all the time…talking about when we are married, where we’ll live, things we’ll do, etc, etc. I’ve told him he need to slow it way down. He asked me to let him know if he’s coming on too strong so he doesn’t push me away. I told him it’s too much. But, I also can’t help but to wonder…am I just not into him…or…am I not used to a man who’s pursuing me because I’m used to avoidant men and I’m used to being the one chasing? (I’ve been working through abandonment issues since I never knew my father, he left before I was 2 years old)…so no surprise that I chased love. Am I pushing away a possibly good man? He’s definitely pursuing hardcore…with dates, flowers, constant communication…or is the new, improved, healthier version of me saying, hold the f up! On a side note, I am attracted to him, but he has very very feminine characteristics and the way he talks that also turns me off. I don’t want to be judgmental or come across negative when I say this, but sometimes it does kinda give me the “ick.” Any thoughts on this as well? Thank you!! 🫶