Middle Child Syndrome 🥴
Hey! I know you’re not a middle child - but I was wondering if you had any thoughts on middle child syndrome and its correlation with dating. I’m the middle child of 5 and I feel like I embody some of the stereotypes associated with MCS(low self esteem, people pleaser for examples). I also believe it has played a role in my anxious attachment. I am working on myself with therapy/other things but would love to hear this topic discussed if possible. Thanks!
Thank you.
I just want to say thank you. I have been listening for about 6 months. I am a textbook anxious. I love an avoidant. He just cut me loose again, 2nd time, been a year that we have been dancing. Your podcast has started my journey. It took 2 times with the same man, who I love in all his imperfections and will always love, but I can now say after less than a week from the discard, that my journey to healing has begun. Healing me. Making my needs a priority and not an inconvenience. Authentically me. Unapologetically me. Realizing that he is probably not my person, and coming to believe that thats ok. I am ok. I have hope. You helped me see that. So thank you. From the bottom of my everything. The work you are doing matters. And thank you.
Should I take initiative to get to know him to not lose time?
Met a very interesting guy - he approached me once in town by day, we hit it off with a great conversaion and met up after some travels on either side. He has kept in touch meanwhile, we have a lot in common and have had a lovely time on two dates - hooked up on a second date at his place after cooking and had a lovely time. I am very interested to get to know him better and not create a story in my head and fill in the blanks with face to face time. Is it okay for me to take initiative and be straight forward about wanting to meet him? Women are discouraged from this but there is genuine repor and I dont want to waste time weeks on end.
Nervous system
Hey!! I don’t have a specific question, but I was wondering if you could do more episodes referring to the nervous system and regulation techniques, also how it interacts with the attachment styles. I really also love your episodes with masha Kay, you guys have been so helpful!
Avoidant Attachment
Hi Sabrina, I know you have a strong opinion on this topic, but I really wanna ask your opinion anyway. My boyfriend of 1 year is pretty avoidant leaning, which made me more and more anxious. I did and continue to do my own work in becoming more secure, which is going really well. I would actually put me in a pretty secure range, though I still get a little anxious when I need to bring up an issue (working on that). He has final exams that stress him out a lot, his workplace is chaotic and he has some issues at home, especially with his dad, who triggers the shit out of him. At one point, I brought up attachment theory and he said it really looks like he fits into more avoidant. We decided together that we would work together on this and we agreed to make some changes. From that day, he was like a new person. All of a sudden he would talk to me openly about his issues at work, what was going on for him, going out of his way to meet my needs, etc. This surprised the hell out of me cause it was like a 180 when last week he wanted to break up cause there were no feelings left and he couldnt give me what I needed. Now a few days ago I asked how he was doing and he broke down and said he cant do this he feels like he is losing himself, he feels caged, etc. I couldn‘t really talk to him cause I could very clearly see his disregulation. I think this is a result of him ignoring our agreement to take small steps so as not to overwhelm his nervous system and instead taking giant leaps which felt absolutely horrifying to his nervous system causing this big outburst. And also him self abandoning his own needs. He broke up with me and i said i accept that because there was no reasoning when he was in that state (i tried). We agreed to talk in a few days but do you think its a good idea to get back together? I obviously want to, but I just can‘t seem to make a decision that feels right. He said the first few days when he was changing his behaviour he felt weird (ofc) but then he noticed he felt better about it and he noticed that he did in fact have feelings for me but when i came over for the weekend on friday, by saturday night it was too overwhelming. AND if we do get back together, should I set a boundary that he cant threaten to break up with me every time I ask how he is doing? Cause no matter how well i feel like its going, the last 4 times i asked how he was feeling he would burst out and tell me we needed to break up. Idk how i feel about it cause i notice that im literally afraid to ask how he is because im afraid of the answer. But i also dont think its gonna help him not feel caged when i tell him you cant just break up with me whenever you want cause technically he can. Sorry for the long ass story🥹